JG & LA @ Osha Thai Resturant
Part 1 -- Incel Community Discussion
This week John Graham and I go where "angels fear to tread..casting caution aside, we went ahead and leapt right on a third-rail.
This podcast is our discussion regarding the "incel community" -- both online and in the real world (RW)"
A couple of months ago my husband, who lives in Toronto, and I were discussing the fellow who used his van to run down people on the sidewalk near where he works.
Alek Minassian killed 10 people, the majority of them women, by driving his van into pedestrians on a Toronto street. Because he had come to identify with unbearable "incel angst."
According to Vox "We know this because he told us so. On Tuesday afternoon, Facebook confirmed the authenticity of a post in his name, in which he pledged allegiance to something called the “Incel Rebellion.”
Minassian confessed that his distress and anger were due to his "black pill" radicalization online prior to the attack. This was a distressing trend of domestic terrorism.
Closer to home, the Toronto event following on the heels of the active shooter situation carried out by incel mainfesto writer 22-year-old Elliot Rodger who on May 23, 2014 here in California, in Isla Vista near the campus of UC Santa Barbara, killed six people and himself.
John Graham and I discussed this movement at times during our weekend restaurant crawls and talked about how we both experienced exclusion and bullying in our teens and tweens.
We are both people who in adulthood worked in geeky industries in IT, which is the global opposite of the "frat Chad and Stacy" world. We were both bullied as youths for our appearance, at times excluded due to our ethnicity, and -- yes -- out nerdiness.
And yet...we wanted to explore why it is we escaped becoming "black pill radicalized."
So, we spent some considerable time in research on incel sites doing research on the phenom (as nerds are wont to do.) Then, on a windy, chilly Friday recently, John and I discuss the incel movement.
Just a suggestion, mai dudes...lemme give ya'all in the incel community a holla about all the porn pop-ups on many of the forums: Just not a good look when accessing the sites at a public (no pun intended) hot spot..but I get why ya'll have a steam valve.
Below is Part One of our casual discussion. It's not a critique, just a recounting of our own experiences in social exclusion and how we dealt with this social phenomena. Our intent is to handle the subject with concern, empathy and even-handedness. And, of course, as a couple of geeks.
Part 2 -- Incel Community Discussion
Here we continue the discussion...where John Graham and I talk about the situation where we survived as youth who were both "nerdy incels-types" and "ethnic anomalies" in our communities, but we went on in our lives to be what might appear superficially to the incel community as "Chad and Stacy"...but there's a story as to how we have lived to span both worlds.
Therefore John and I began a discussion on the "incel movement"...and how WYSIWYG isn't always so easy to determine superficially.
John has a unique situation: Having been a geeky kid (sorry John, but #metoo) he lately appeared on both "The Bachelorette" and "Bachelor in Paradise" on ABC...randomly due to a friend submitting his dox to the program.
John is now an experienced and successful AI programmer here in San Francisco/Silicon Valley who is joyfully open to everyone due to his early experiences. He also volunteers time with the LBFE Tech Partners mentorship program, which is how we met and became fast friends. And in my experience John is an all-around kind, clever, compassionate fellow that I'm delighted to call a friend.
Oh...and me? I personally was bullied mercilessly as a gangly tri-multiracial kid in a "gifted children's program." I grew up an only child, three years younger than my all my classmates in the 1960's. And until high school endured endless after-school beatings and general exclusion by the kids in my community. My immediate family was of no help.
I decided early on I had take care of myself and went on to work in modeling (don't ask...freakish gangly was what they wanted), broadcasting, writing, speaking engagements, and for 30 years as an information security consultant.
So, in our podcast Part Two we continue our discussion of how we grew out of challenging childhoods, and turned negative youthful experiences into a broader empathy for the disadvantaged, the bullied, and the excluded. And how we view the incel community as a support group gone strange.
BTW: Incel community -- we too easily could have been you -- if we had taken the "black pill" due to the bullying in our lives. We're just trying to understand why we didn't, how you might mistakenly label us as "your type can't understand!" due to a flash determination on appearance alone...and how we escaped being seduced into bitterness and "the syndrome."
In a way, we do understand the allure of the "dark side." It's a compulsion to take-back power move. But we prescribe to hard work, seeking help, and "It gets better." Yes, it takes toil and persistence in reaching out to the painfully shocking rejecting world, but we finally found ourselves and a place that is comfortable on this quirky planet. But it's pressure that forms a diamond.
Dear Incels: John and I wish you well. Once upon a time, we were looked on the same as you. The bullies were cruel and insufferable. We suffered exclusion. There is a good place for everyone if you seek it. We pushed ahead, took our time to evaluate our shortcomings and our gifts; then embraced a cold and sometimes most unforgiving world.
Yo, mai incels...not everyone of the people you might label as a "Chad or a Stacy" due to what you perceive on the outside are that much different than you inside. You can't tell where another person has been unless you get into discussion with them. And those of us who've been there are not judging you: we were you.
No one says it's easy. We survived. You can find the path to thrive.
So, in the spirit of that discussion, we invite you, and all of our readers, to get involved in that conversation.
If you have a viewpoint on the situation regarding the online incel community, black pilling, or anything regarding bullying and social exclusion, we invite you to comment below.
We'd love for you all to join us in discovery of reaching out for the best the world has to offer.
Because engagement is healthy and we welcome your stories, interrogation, arguments, and your comments; as we welcome all comments.
Postscript: Okay, incels, we get you're deeply alienated, and then angry...but most of all, hurting...so please bring it..and let's talk. It's not solely the "incel community" that wishes to embrace you. We're out here, just talk to us. Self-harm and domestic terrorism is not your answer.
The challenges of exclusion and overcoming it: that's where our discussion goes in Part Two.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 at 1-800-TALK (8255.) If you are more comfortable online they also have counselors your can reach via their online chat.
Cheers..let's talk:
Part 1 -- Incel Community Discussion
This week John Graham and I go where "angels fear to tread..casting caution aside, we went ahead and leapt right on a third-rail.
This podcast is our discussion regarding the "incel community" -- both online and in the real world (RW)"
A couple of months ago my husband, who lives in Toronto, and I were discussing the fellow who used his van to run down people on the sidewalk near where he works.
Alek Minassian killed 10 people, the majority of them women, by driving his van into pedestrians on a Toronto street. Because he had come to identify with unbearable "incel angst."
According to Vox "We know this because he told us so. On Tuesday afternoon, Facebook confirmed the authenticity of a post in his name, in which he pledged allegiance to something called the “Incel Rebellion.”
Minassian confessed that his distress and anger were due to his "black pill" radicalization online prior to the attack. This was a distressing trend of domestic terrorism.
Closer to home, the Toronto event following on the heels of the active shooter situation carried out by incel mainfesto writer 22-year-old Elliot Rodger who on May 23, 2014 here in California, in Isla Vista near the campus of UC Santa Barbara, killed six people and himself.
John Graham and I discussed this movement at times during our weekend restaurant crawls and talked about how we both experienced exclusion and bullying in our teens and tweens.
We are both people who in adulthood worked in geeky industries in IT, which is the global opposite of the "frat Chad and Stacy" world. We were both bullied as youths for our appearance, at times excluded due to our ethnicity, and -- yes -- out nerdiness.
And yet...we wanted to explore why it is we escaped becoming "black pill radicalized."
So, we spent some considerable time in research on incel sites doing research on the phenom (as nerds are wont to do.) Then, on a windy, chilly Friday recently, John and I discuss the incel movement.
Just a suggestion, mai dudes...lemme give ya'all in the incel community a holla about all the porn pop-ups on many of the forums: Just not a good look when accessing the sites at a public (no pun intended) hot spot..but I get why ya'll have a steam valve.
Below is Part One of our casual discussion. It's not a critique, just a recounting of our own experiences in social exclusion and how we dealt with this social phenomena. Our intent is to handle the subject with concern, empathy and even-handedness. And, of course, as a couple of geeks.
Part 2 -- Incel Community Discussion
Here we continue the discussion...where John Graham and I talk about the situation where we survived as youth who were both "nerdy incels-types" and "ethnic anomalies" in our communities, but we went on in our lives to be what might appear superficially to the incel community as "Chad and Stacy"...but there's a story as to how we have lived to span both worlds.
Therefore John and I began a discussion on the "incel movement"...and how WYSIWYG isn't always so easy to determine superficially.
John has a unique situation: Having been a geeky kid (sorry John, but #metoo) he lately appeared on both "The Bachelorette" and "Bachelor in Paradise" on ABC...randomly due to a friend submitting his dox to the program.
John is now an experienced and successful AI programmer here in San Francisco/Silicon Valley who is joyfully open to everyone due to his early experiences. He also volunteers time with the LBFE Tech Partners mentorship program, which is how we met and became fast friends. And in my experience John is an all-around kind, clever, compassionate fellow that I'm delighted to call a friend.
Oh...and me? I personally was bullied mercilessly as a gangly tri-multiracial kid in a "gifted children's program." I grew up an only child, three years younger than my all my classmates in the 1960's. And until high school endured endless after-school beatings and general exclusion by the kids in my community. My immediate family was of no help.
I decided early on I had take care of myself and went on to work in modeling (don't ask...freakish gangly was what they wanted), broadcasting, writing, speaking engagements, and for 30 years as an information security consultant.
So, in our podcast Part Two we continue our discussion of how we grew out of challenging childhoods, and turned negative youthful experiences into a broader empathy for the disadvantaged, the bullied, and the excluded. And how we view the incel community as a support group gone strange.
BTW: Incel community -- we too easily could have been you -- if we had taken the "black pill" due to the bullying in our lives. We're just trying to understand why we didn't, how you might mistakenly label us as "your type can't understand!" due to a flash determination on appearance alone...and how we escaped being seduced into bitterness and "the syndrome."
In a way, we do understand the allure of the "dark side." It's a compulsion to take-back power move. But we prescribe to hard work, seeking help, and "It gets better." Yes, it takes toil and persistence in reaching out to the painfully shocking rejecting world, but we finally found ourselves and a place that is comfortable on this quirky planet. But it's pressure that forms a diamond.
Dear Incels: John and I wish you well. Once upon a time, we were looked on the same as you. The bullies were cruel and insufferable. We suffered exclusion. There is a good place for everyone if you seek it. We pushed ahead, took our time to evaluate our shortcomings and our gifts; then embraced a cold and sometimes most unforgiving world.
Yo, mai incels...not everyone of the people you might label as a "Chad or a Stacy" due to what you perceive on the outside are that much different than you inside. You can't tell where another person has been unless you get into discussion with them. And those of us who've been there are not judging you: we were you.
No one says it's easy. We survived. You can find the path to thrive.
So, in the spirit of that discussion, we invite you, and all of our readers, to get involved in that conversation.
If you have a viewpoint on the situation regarding the online incel community, black pilling, or anything regarding bullying and social exclusion, we invite you to comment below.
We'd love for you all to join us in discovery of reaching out for the best the world has to offer.
Because engagement is healthy and we welcome your stories, interrogation, arguments, and your comments; as we welcome all comments.
Postscript: Okay, incels, we get you're deeply alienated, and then angry...but most of all, hurting...so please bring it..and let's talk. It's not solely the "incel community" that wishes to embrace you. We're out here, just talk to us. Self-harm and domestic terrorism is not your answer.
The challenges of exclusion and overcoming it: that's where our discussion goes in Part Two.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 at 1-800-TALK (8255.) If you are more comfortable online they also have counselors your can reach via their online chat.
Cheers..let's talk:
Comments